PROTECTION AND JUSTICE FOR DAMON
AND ALL CHILDREN
_______________________________
TRUTH AND FREEDOM FILES
More Truth and Freedom:
OK, so here’s the truth about Dr. Barrett and the year of “reunification therapy” you were forced to endure. First of all, reunification therapy is commonly called “deprogramming” because it is part of the PAS (parental alienation) fathers’ rights BS [see the deprogramming page]. They claim that you have been “programmed” by your evil mom to believe you were abused, so you must be de-programmed. The total irony is that they are the ones programming/brainwashing/manipulating you to forget about the abuse so the abuser can be exonerated and get custody.
Plan A in reunification is to get children to believe that the abuse did not really occur. But Dr. Barrett figured out early on when you detailed four years of abuse, the punishment Eric used on Damon when he would hide from him and the severe flashbacks of the abuse Damon had while you were in hiding, that Plan A was not going to work.
So Plan B was enacted. Plan B is to convince children to just “forget about the abuse” to accept they are not in danger from the abuser, to just “move on,” to just “stop all this conflict” i.e. if they shut up about the abuse and everything will be just peachy keen. Then they come up with all the reasons why you should just forget about the abuse and pretend like Eric did not sexually assault and threaten to kill Damon and destroy a huge portion of yours and your mom’s lives. They convince you how it’s going to be so much better for you if you just “move on.” How your mom is to blame for continuing to talk about the abuse. How your mom is ruining everything by going public. How your mom is crazy and vindictive, how it's all your mom's fault, blah, blah, blah: well-worn fathers’ rights crap intended to damage your relationship with your mother as much as possible and make you accept the perpetrator as if he has done nothing wrong.
Well, guess who benefits from “just moving on” and “avoiding the conflict”?? You guys?? Not so much. It is abusers like Eric who it allows to get away scott free with the worst crime on earth—child molesting, and the second worst—taking children away from their mother. It benefits Eric so much that he paid Barrett over $20,000 to try and brainwash you into accepting that.
We know these psychologists and minors counsels are good at what they do to children—they are cunning and evil and children are usually putty in their hands. But we hope that you are too smart to fall for their lies. You guys need to use those critical thinking skills of yours to outsmart them and not be brainwashed or manipulated by their tricks.
Remember that your mom made it very clear at Barrett’s that she would agree to “move on” if Damon were allowed to go to Eric’s when he felt safe and if there was joint custody, but Eric would not agree to that. He wants to have full control over you without any concern for how you feel. He wants to get his hot little hands on Damon again and make him pay for telling everyone about the abuse. They are portraying it that Eric and your mom are on opposite ends, but the difference is that he is lying and your mom (and you) is telling the truth--a big difference.
So, now they’ve tried to convince you that everything will be peachy keen and you can avoid “all that conflict” by putting all the destruction the child molester wreaked on you and your family "in the past". But guess what? It’s not peachy keen because by doing that you have played into their hands and that has caused you to lose your mom and has caused Damon to have to spend weekends and maybe be given custody to the man who sexually assaulted him for years. No child or even adult should have to spend time with the person who did those horrible things to him.
Know this: YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK WITH YOUR MOM IF YOU FALL VICTIM TO THEIR BRAINWASHING. If you want to see your mom again and help protect Damon, you need to do the opposite of what they are telling you. You need to speak the truth loud and clear about what Eric did to Damon, how he caused you to have to spend three years in hiding, and for how he is lying to the court and keeping you away from your mom. Tell Eric and Nicole you will tell everyone the truth if they don’t allow you to go home to your mom. Fight for what’s true and what’s right and to get back with your mom.
Do something, anything, because if you do nothing, like they are trying to convince you to do, the evil people win and you will be living the lie that your mom is the abuser instead of Eric. And worse, you will have to live the rest of your childhood with the child molester and his enabler.
OK, so here’s the truth about Dr. Barrett and the year of “reunification therapy” you were forced to endure. First of all, reunification therapy is commonly called “deprogramming” because it is part of the PAS (parental alienation) fathers’ rights BS [see the deprogramming page]. They claim that you have been “programmed” by your evil mom to believe you were abused, so you must be de-programmed. The total irony is that they are the ones programming/brainwashing/manipulating you to forget about the abuse so the abuser can be exonerated and get custody.
Plan A in reunification is to get children to believe that the abuse did not really occur. But Dr. Barrett figured out early on when you detailed four years of abuse, the punishment Eric used on Damon when he would hide from him and the severe flashbacks of the abuse Damon had while you were in hiding, that Plan A was not going to work.
So Plan B was enacted. Plan B is to convince children to just “forget about the abuse” to accept they are not in danger from the abuser, to just “move on,” to just “stop all this conflict” i.e. if they shut up about the abuse and everything will be just peachy keen. Then they come up with all the reasons why you should just forget about the abuse and pretend like Eric did not sexually assault and threaten to kill Damon and destroy a huge portion of yours and your mom’s lives. They convince you how it’s going to be so much better for you if you just “move on.” How your mom is to blame for continuing to talk about the abuse. How your mom is ruining everything by going public. How your mom is crazy and vindictive, how it's all your mom's fault, blah, blah, blah: well-worn fathers’ rights crap intended to damage your relationship with your mother as much as possible and make you accept the perpetrator as if he has done nothing wrong.
Well, guess who benefits from “just moving on” and “avoiding the conflict”?? You guys?? Not so much. It is abusers like Eric who it allows to get away scott free with the worst crime on earth—child molesting, and the second worst—taking children away from their mother. It benefits Eric so much that he paid Barrett over $20,000 to try and brainwash you into accepting that.
We know these psychologists and minors counsels are good at what they do to children—they are cunning and evil and children are usually putty in their hands. But we hope that you are too smart to fall for their lies. You guys need to use those critical thinking skills of yours to outsmart them and not be brainwashed or manipulated by their tricks.
Remember that your mom made it very clear at Barrett’s that she would agree to “move on” if Damon were allowed to go to Eric’s when he felt safe and if there was joint custody, but Eric would not agree to that. He wants to have full control over you without any concern for how you feel. He wants to get his hot little hands on Damon again and make him pay for telling everyone about the abuse. They are portraying it that Eric and your mom are on opposite ends, but the difference is that he is lying and your mom (and you) is telling the truth--a big difference.
So, now they’ve tried to convince you that everything will be peachy keen and you can avoid “all that conflict” by putting all the destruction the child molester wreaked on you and your family "in the past". But guess what? It’s not peachy keen because by doing that you have played into their hands and that has caused you to lose your mom and has caused Damon to have to spend weekends and maybe be given custody to the man who sexually assaulted him for years. No child or even adult should have to spend time with the person who did those horrible things to him.
Know this: YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK WITH YOUR MOM IF YOU FALL VICTIM TO THEIR BRAINWASHING. If you want to see your mom again and help protect Damon, you need to do the opposite of what they are telling you. You need to speak the truth loud and clear about what Eric did to Damon, how he caused you to have to spend three years in hiding, and for how he is lying to the court and keeping you away from your mom. Tell Eric and Nicole you will tell everyone the truth if they don’t allow you to go home to your mom. Fight for what’s true and what’s right and to get back with your mom.
Do something, anything, because if you do nothing, like they are trying to convince you to do, the evil people win and you will be living the lie that your mom is the abuser instead of Eric. And worse, you will have to live the rest of your childhood with the child molester and his enabler.
Update May 15th
The trip to DC was a huge success. The Mothers Day protest was quite a sight and White House officials were horrified at how Family Courts are not listening to children and forcing them to live with their abusers. They are talking about a Federal Investigation and other solutions. They are committing to doing something about this travesty. Hang in there and tell as many adults as possible about what is going on. We'll post photos as soon as we get them. Stay Strong. We all love you and look forward to seeing you again!
Truth and Freedom Update, May 1, 2010:
Well, boys, your mom misses you so much! She thinks of you all the time and is so sad that she can't see you. She is going to Washington DC for a vigil at the White House on Mothers Day. She would rather be with you, but at least she is letting the world know how horrible family courts are for taking children away from protective mothers and giving them to their named abusers. Maybe President Obama or First Lady Michelle will listen to all the moms across the country who've lost their children.
Eric and Nicole are still violating the court order by not allowing the visits and the court and Gary aren't doing anything about it (no surprise).
You should hold Eric and Nicole responsible for all this pain they are causing you and your mom by keeping you away from her. They are responsible for you not seeing her. They are telling lies to the court and everyone that the sexual abuse is a result of her "alienating" and "coaching" you. They are responsible for this nightmare. Let them know you know.
THE COURT AND ERIC HAVE LIED TO AND TRICKED YOU FROM THE DAY YOU GOT BACK FROM HIDING AND THEY WILL CONTINUE TO--IF YOU LET THEM. Don't accept what they are doing to you. Keeping you away from your mom is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Tell them what you think of them for causing all that pain to you and your mom. Take some action to get back with her.
By the way, Damon, did you know that you don't have to go to Eric's on the weekend? The judge said that you only have to go if you want to. So if you don't want to go, don't. You can do whatever you want. We can't imagine why you would want to spend time with people who are lying and keeping you away from your loving, protective mom. And did you know that children are not obligated to follow court orders anyway? Court orders are for adults, not children.
Take good care of yourselves and stay strong. There are lots of us out here who are supporting you getting back with your mom.
Eric and Nicole are still violating the court order by not allowing the visits and the court and Gary aren't doing anything about it (no surprise).
You should hold Eric and Nicole responsible for all this pain they are causing you and your mom by keeping you away from her. They are responsible for you not seeing her. They are telling lies to the court and everyone that the sexual abuse is a result of her "alienating" and "coaching" you. They are responsible for this nightmare. Let them know you know.
THE COURT AND ERIC HAVE LIED TO AND TRICKED YOU FROM THE DAY YOU GOT BACK FROM HIDING AND THEY WILL CONTINUE TO--IF YOU LET THEM. Don't accept what they are doing to you. Keeping you away from your mom is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Tell them what you think of them for causing all that pain to you and your mom. Take some action to get back with her.
By the way, Damon, did you know that you don't have to go to Eric's on the weekend? The judge said that you only have to go if you want to. So if you don't want to go, don't. You can do whatever you want. We can't imagine why you would want to spend time with people who are lying and keeping you away from your loving, protective mom. And did you know that children are not obligated to follow court orders anyway? Court orders are for adults, not children.
Take good care of yourselves and stay strong. There are lots of us out here who are supporting you getting back with your mom.
Truth and Freedom Update:
Hey boys, guess what?? Dr. Phil is calling it a FAMILY COURT CRISIS and a Silent Epidemic what is happening to you and so many other kids and protective moms. He is taking on two cases to help get kids away from abusers and Damon is one of them!! Dr. Phil will be doing a follow up show on the results to see if Damon is protected and allowed to go home and hopefully Evan and Ryan will be set free too when the nation finds out you are prisoners.
Damon, you should know that Gary is telling the court that it is “inappropriate” for you to live with your mom. He says bad things about her and good things about Eric. He says that children should be reunified with their abusers. He tells the court that he doesn’t think you’re afraid of Eric because you’re spending time at his house and playing table tennis with him. At the same time, he is telling your mom that he wants to get you old enough to be able to fight Eric off and old enough so that Eric might not be interested in you sexually because you are post-pubescent. That is crazy because Eric is NOT a preferential pedophile (meaning he does not just like little boys). Your mom caught him with child porn of a girl, he has propositioned a man for sex and he has relationships with women. That means he will have sex with ANYBODY, girl, boy, woman, man. He will never be safe around you or any other child alone.
Gary is part of what they are all doing—trying to get you to finally let your guard down, give up and agree to live with Eric. They are torturing you by keeping you away from your mom and Eric and Nicole are doing “nice” things to lull you into agreeing to live with them, including buying a house with a pool, a la Michael Jackson. Don’t fall for it. You know the truth about Eric. Keep fighting for what is right, which is that you should not have to EVER be with the man who sexually assaulted you for many years and you should be able to go home with your mom who you feel safe with and love.
On April 30th, there is a hearing at which Judge Alksne could give custody of you to Eric. If he gets custody of you, he will be alone with you and he will be able to do whatever he wants to you, including threatening you again with your life. He can terrify you into silence and compliance. He can sexually abuse you or kill you. You need to get an attorney who will actually advocate for you. Gary will never. You can call Ethan Marcus (866-SAY FOOT). He will actually advocate for what YOU want, not the corrupt court.
And, finally, as you know, Eric and Nicole are continuing to deny visits with your mom. They will only let you see her with Monica who they can control. She is the father’s rights monitor and spins things against your mom, like all the other fathers’ rights court officials who are responsible for you being taken away from her. Anyway, the court order actually says that your mom can use any monitor so they are violating the court order. The police will enforce it.
By the way, there are girls in your school, Damon, who have had the same thing happen to them. Their names are Anna and Emily Nunez. Tell them their mother loves and misses them.
Stay tough and know that now MILLIONS of people will be routing for you instead of just thousands!!! YEAH Dr. Phil. You should write him a thank you email.
Go to: http://drphil.com/shows/show/1442/
Damon, you should know that Gary is telling the court that it is “inappropriate” for you to live with your mom. He says bad things about her and good things about Eric. He says that children should be reunified with their abusers. He tells the court that he doesn’t think you’re afraid of Eric because you’re spending time at his house and playing table tennis with him. At the same time, he is telling your mom that he wants to get you old enough to be able to fight Eric off and old enough so that Eric might not be interested in you sexually because you are post-pubescent. That is crazy because Eric is NOT a preferential pedophile (meaning he does not just like little boys). Your mom caught him with child porn of a girl, he has propositioned a man for sex and he has relationships with women. That means he will have sex with ANYBODY, girl, boy, woman, man. He will never be safe around you or any other child alone.
Gary is part of what they are all doing—trying to get you to finally let your guard down, give up and agree to live with Eric. They are torturing you by keeping you away from your mom and Eric and Nicole are doing “nice” things to lull you into agreeing to live with them, including buying a house with a pool, a la Michael Jackson. Don’t fall for it. You know the truth about Eric. Keep fighting for what is right, which is that you should not have to EVER be with the man who sexually assaulted you for many years and you should be able to go home with your mom who you feel safe with and love.
On April 30th, there is a hearing at which Judge Alksne could give custody of you to Eric. If he gets custody of you, he will be alone with you and he will be able to do whatever he wants to you, including threatening you again with your life. He can terrify you into silence and compliance. He can sexually abuse you or kill you. You need to get an attorney who will actually advocate for you. Gary will never. You can call Ethan Marcus (866-SAY FOOT). He will actually advocate for what YOU want, not the corrupt court.
And, finally, as you know, Eric and Nicole are continuing to deny visits with your mom. They will only let you see her with Monica who they can control. She is the father’s rights monitor and spins things against your mom, like all the other fathers’ rights court officials who are responsible for you being taken away from her. Anyway, the court order actually says that your mom can use any monitor so they are violating the court order. The police will enforce it.
By the way, there are girls in your school, Damon, who have had the same thing happen to them. Their names are Anna and Emily Nunez. Tell them their mother loves and misses them.
Stay tough and know that now MILLIONS of people will be routing for you instead of just thousands!!! YEAH Dr. Phil. You should write him a thank you email.
Go to: http://drphil.com/shows/show/1442/
To three very special boys:
We want you to know that there are thousands of people and many organizations who support you and your freedom to be with your mom and be safe. The people in the court and your father are so cruel for what they are putting you through. But there are millions of children around the world this is happening to and they are starting to organize too. You are part of history, the newest civil rights movement!
Since you have been deliberately kept away from anyone who can tell you the truth about what’s going on, the Truth and Freedom Files can be your source of truth and power and sanity. It must be so confusing to you, how you could be taken away from a loving, protective mom and forced to live with an abuser. Even all of us adults have a hard time fathoming how so many people can be so cruel and corrupt to do that to you.
As you know, Judge Alksne promised your mom and you that if you came back to San Diego, you would only be away from her for two weeks while Damon reported the abuse to a “professional.” Judge Alksne lied. It was all a big trick to get you to come back so she could silence you about the abuse, probably because the court and the first judge, Judge Smyth, looks bad for having sent Damon back to Eric to be abused for two more years. Alksne never cared at all about whether Damon was being abused or about protecting him, just about getting you guys back so she could take you away from your mom and force you to live with Eric. Your mom feels horrible that she trusted Alksne and allowed you all to fall into her trap, but she will never give up trying to get you back and keep you safe!
Judge Alksne sides with abusers because that is where the money/status quo/power are. She has sold you out and destroyed your lives because it benefits her politically and her mimons financially. We are so sorry you are her victims. She has sold out many other children as well, causing them to continue to be abused. That makes her incredibly evil. There are many people unhappy with her and there is an effort to get her out of office for her crimes against children and parents. Hopefully it will be soon so you don’t have to suffer under her watch much longer.
But Alksne has not acted alone. The attorneys and psychologists have steered the case to her agenda of giving you back to Eric and keeping you away from your mom. Why? For the same reasons as Alksne—it benefits them politically and financially. They have all colluded in covering up the abuse and finding your mom guilty of “parental alienation”—that bogus child abuser defense tactic—which is what the court and Eric are using to deny your mom custody or even unsupervised visitation. Your mom was told that if she did not shut up about the abuse and cooperate with sending Damon back to the sex offender that she would not get custody. Your mom will never do that because she believes that Eric is still a danger to Damon because of his threats to kill him if he told anybody. Also she believes that anyone who could do the horrible things he did to Damon over a period of many years is definitely a sociopath, without empathy or conscience. And those are the most dangerous people out there. Sociopaths can present as normal in public, but what they do in private, behind closed doors, is another story. Damon should never be alone with Eric even for a moment. It takes only minutes or even seconds to harm someone.
The court whores (minors' counsels and psychologists) have told you that there is not enough evidence of abuse to be able to protect Damon from Eric. That’s a lie too. (You can count on most of what the court and your father telling you being lies.) There IS enough evidence of abuse, but Alksne and her buddies are actively helping your father cover it up. Damon, you did a great job of telling the professionals about the abuse and Evan and Ryan you did a great job trying to tell Dr. Barrett too, but he is corrupt and biased and cares only about his next vacation where he will spend the money he has made selling you out.
You should continue to tell everyone, since maybe someone will listen to you and help you. Don’t be fooled into shutting up about it because the only thing that will get you is to be kept away from your mom and prisoners of your father where he can do whatever he wants to you…and you know very well what he is capable of. Speaking out is your best protection.
Well, that’s all for now. Check back soon for more of the Freedom Files truth serum!
Love and support from all the people who care about protecting children!
We want you to know that there are thousands of people and many organizations who support you and your freedom to be with your mom and be safe. The people in the court and your father are so cruel for what they are putting you through. But there are millions of children around the world this is happening to and they are starting to organize too. You are part of history, the newest civil rights movement!
Since you have been deliberately kept away from anyone who can tell you the truth about what’s going on, the Truth and Freedom Files can be your source of truth and power and sanity. It must be so confusing to you, how you could be taken away from a loving, protective mom and forced to live with an abuser. Even all of us adults have a hard time fathoming how so many people can be so cruel and corrupt to do that to you.
As you know, Judge Alksne promised your mom and you that if you came back to San Diego, you would only be away from her for two weeks while Damon reported the abuse to a “professional.” Judge Alksne lied. It was all a big trick to get you to come back so she could silence you about the abuse, probably because the court and the first judge, Judge Smyth, looks bad for having sent Damon back to Eric to be abused for two more years. Alksne never cared at all about whether Damon was being abused or about protecting him, just about getting you guys back so she could take you away from your mom and force you to live with Eric. Your mom feels horrible that she trusted Alksne and allowed you all to fall into her trap, but she will never give up trying to get you back and keep you safe!
Judge Alksne sides with abusers because that is where the money/status quo/power are. She has sold you out and destroyed your lives because it benefits her politically and her mimons financially. We are so sorry you are her victims. She has sold out many other children as well, causing them to continue to be abused. That makes her incredibly evil. There are many people unhappy with her and there is an effort to get her out of office for her crimes against children and parents. Hopefully it will be soon so you don’t have to suffer under her watch much longer.
But Alksne has not acted alone. The attorneys and psychologists have steered the case to her agenda of giving you back to Eric and keeping you away from your mom. Why? For the same reasons as Alksne—it benefits them politically and financially. They have all colluded in covering up the abuse and finding your mom guilty of “parental alienation”—that bogus child abuser defense tactic—which is what the court and Eric are using to deny your mom custody or even unsupervised visitation. Your mom was told that if she did not shut up about the abuse and cooperate with sending Damon back to the sex offender that she would not get custody. Your mom will never do that because she believes that Eric is still a danger to Damon because of his threats to kill him if he told anybody. Also she believes that anyone who could do the horrible things he did to Damon over a period of many years is definitely a sociopath, without empathy or conscience. And those are the most dangerous people out there. Sociopaths can present as normal in public, but what they do in private, behind closed doors, is another story. Damon should never be alone with Eric even for a moment. It takes only minutes or even seconds to harm someone.
The court whores (minors' counsels and psychologists) have told you that there is not enough evidence of abuse to be able to protect Damon from Eric. That’s a lie too. (You can count on most of what the court and your father telling you being lies.) There IS enough evidence of abuse, but Alksne and her buddies are actively helping your father cover it up. Damon, you did a great job of telling the professionals about the abuse and Evan and Ryan you did a great job trying to tell Dr. Barrett too, but he is corrupt and biased and cares only about his next vacation where he will spend the money he has made selling you out.
You should continue to tell everyone, since maybe someone will listen to you and help you. Don’t be fooled into shutting up about it because the only thing that will get you is to be kept away from your mom and prisoners of your father where he can do whatever he wants to you…and you know very well what he is capable of. Speaking out is your best protection.
Well, that’s all for now. Check back soon for more of the Freedom Files truth serum!
Love and support from all the people who care about protecting children!
10 Types of Invisible Chains
Abusers and Abuser Enablers Use to Control Children
Why don't teenagers who aren't physically confined or chained up just leave an abuser’s household?
Because abusers and their court enablers (judges, minors’ counsels, psychologists, etc.) use many types of invisible chains, tactics of control and abuse, to confine victims in other ways.
Think about these scenarios as if you are a victim and ask yourself, "if someone did this to me, could I leave?"
Some common invisible chains are:
1. Coercion and Threats. Often, abusers and their enablers will make children believe that horrible things will happen if they speak the truth or keep fighting for their freedom. The most effective threat can be that they will not see their protective parent again.
2. Controlling Perception. Abusers and enablers control victims' perception of their situation and the world by being their primary or only source of information. They may tell you lies about the situation you are in, distorting your reality. They tell you that your mom is the problem and that your father is really a nice guy. This is often reinforced because perpetrators "groom" the vicitms by doing lots of things to gain trust. The abusers and enablers tell you or lead you to believe that you have no rights or power to get back with your protective parent. They may also lead you to believe that you will be ostracized if you tell the truth.
3. Creating Dependencies. Abusers and enablers often attempt to make their victims completely dependent. They may control physical items such as your cell phones, computers, cars, etc. They may punish you by keeping you away from doing the things you want to do. They may even force or entice you to take drugs or drink alcohol and become addicted. Abusers and enablers also create economic dependencies by controlling all the money and/or food.
4. Economic Abuse. Economic abuse is extremely common abusers and enablers. They bankrupt protective parents to take away their power and continue to batter them in court with more and more debt. They keep the children dependent financially as well.
5. False Promises. Sometimes hope is the strongest weapon. The abusers and enablers may have made you promises like you can see your protective parents if you agree to be silent about the abuse. These promises are what lured you into going back to the abuser and what keeps you there. Children are especially vulnerable to such manipulation.
6. Indulgences. One strong control tactic for creating emotional dependencies is providing occasional indulgences, like gifts, affection or information. They may buy you material things and take you on fun vacations. These indulgences, especially when coupled with the false promises, lure you into a false sense of security and trust.
7. Isolation. Abusers and enablers may isolate victims by limiting contact with others and monitoring conversations with the use of supervised visitation. Abusers and enablers may prevent you from talking to your protective parent or people who can let you know the truth about what they are doing to you. They may repeatedly tell you that you are all alone in your situation, that no one will help or believe you, that you have no legal rights, that what has happened is your fault, or that there is no hope (unless you comply).
8. Minimizing and Blaming: Abusers and enablers may reinforce internalizing blame by telling you that you're worthless, the abuse didn’t really happen or wasn’t really that bad or you were deserving of the abuse. The abusers and enablers claim you are personal property, which both minimizes you and justifies the abuse.
9. Power Imbalance. Abusers and enablers as adults are in a position of power compared with children. They may make you acutely aware of this power they have over you. They may degrade your beliefs or attachment with your protective parent in an effort to destroy or damage your relationship with her. Abusers and enablers may use gender privilege to control victims, including using rape and sexual abuse as control tactics.
10. Sexual Abuse. Sexual abuse doesn't always have to be physical, such as rape, or sexual assault. Sometimes, sexual harassment and threatened sexual violence are even more effective tools of control. The abusers and enablers may call you degrading sexual names or threaten to rape or assault you.
These are just a few of the invisible chains which abusers and enablers use to keep children their prisoners, to keep them from recognizing that they have the power to be free to go where they feel safe and happy. Sadly, many of these are just as effective, if not more so, than actually locking a victim up with chains.
Because abusers and their court enablers (judges, minors’ counsels, psychologists, etc.) use many types of invisible chains, tactics of control and abuse, to confine victims in other ways.
Think about these scenarios as if you are a victim and ask yourself, "if someone did this to me, could I leave?"
Some common invisible chains are:
1. Coercion and Threats. Often, abusers and their enablers will make children believe that horrible things will happen if they speak the truth or keep fighting for their freedom. The most effective threat can be that they will not see their protective parent again.
2. Controlling Perception. Abusers and enablers control victims' perception of their situation and the world by being their primary or only source of information. They may tell you lies about the situation you are in, distorting your reality. They tell you that your mom is the problem and that your father is really a nice guy. This is often reinforced because perpetrators "groom" the vicitms by doing lots of things to gain trust. The abusers and enablers tell you or lead you to believe that you have no rights or power to get back with your protective parent. They may also lead you to believe that you will be ostracized if you tell the truth.
3. Creating Dependencies. Abusers and enablers often attempt to make their victims completely dependent. They may control physical items such as your cell phones, computers, cars, etc. They may punish you by keeping you away from doing the things you want to do. They may even force or entice you to take drugs or drink alcohol and become addicted. Abusers and enablers also create economic dependencies by controlling all the money and/or food.
4. Economic Abuse. Economic abuse is extremely common abusers and enablers. They bankrupt protective parents to take away their power and continue to batter them in court with more and more debt. They keep the children dependent financially as well.
5. False Promises. Sometimes hope is the strongest weapon. The abusers and enablers may have made you promises like you can see your protective parents if you agree to be silent about the abuse. These promises are what lured you into going back to the abuser and what keeps you there. Children are especially vulnerable to such manipulation.
6. Indulgences. One strong control tactic for creating emotional dependencies is providing occasional indulgences, like gifts, affection or information. They may buy you material things and take you on fun vacations. These indulgences, especially when coupled with the false promises, lure you into a false sense of security and trust.
7. Isolation. Abusers and enablers may isolate victims by limiting contact with others and monitoring conversations with the use of supervised visitation. Abusers and enablers may prevent you from talking to your protective parent or people who can let you know the truth about what they are doing to you. They may repeatedly tell you that you are all alone in your situation, that no one will help or believe you, that you have no legal rights, that what has happened is your fault, or that there is no hope (unless you comply).
8. Minimizing and Blaming: Abusers and enablers may reinforce internalizing blame by telling you that you're worthless, the abuse didn’t really happen or wasn’t really that bad or you were deserving of the abuse. The abusers and enablers claim you are personal property, which both minimizes you and justifies the abuse.
9. Power Imbalance. Abusers and enablers as adults are in a position of power compared with children. They may make you acutely aware of this power they have over you. They may degrade your beliefs or attachment with your protective parent in an effort to destroy or damage your relationship with her. Abusers and enablers may use gender privilege to control victims, including using rape and sexual abuse as control tactics.
10. Sexual Abuse. Sexual abuse doesn't always have to be physical, such as rape, or sexual assault. Sometimes, sexual harassment and threatened sexual violence are even more effective tools of control. The abusers and enablers may call you degrading sexual names or threaten to rape or assault you.
These are just a few of the invisible chains which abusers and enablers use to keep children their prisoners, to keep them from recognizing that they have the power to be free to go where they feel safe and happy. Sadly, many of these are just as effective, if not more so, than actually locking a victim up with chains.