MESSAGE FROM ANOTHER TEENAGE PRISONER
TO THE CORRUPT FAMILY COURT
[Names have been removed to protect the innocent (from retaliation by judges and lawyers)]
Judge [Corrupt San Diego Family Court Judge],
I had followed all the rules. I would hold myself together with the hope that because I was following the rules, I would be aloud to see my mom. Time passed, and nothing changed. February first 2010, my mom drove me to the court to hear the verdict. I held her hand for strength. I did not hope, for I have stopped hoping as dreams and hopes just become crushed. I worried about what could happen. We arrived at court and after going through security, we sat down. I worked on my science homework and tried to forget about what was happening. My mom went into the courtroom. My dad, his lawyer, and [Minor’s Counsel] entered as well. My sister grew increasingly agitated as she realized that good news could not take so long. My mom finally exited the courtroom, looking more upset than I have ever seen her. I knew instantly that it was bad. My heart sank. [Minor’s Counsel] rushed out and yelled at my mom for talking to us. My mom had not said a word. As I methodically put my homework away and stood up, I told my mom, “I love you” because I did not know when I would see her again. I tried to stay calm as I walked up, in a haze not believing that this could be happening to me. Had I not gone through enough already? We waited for my dad’s lawyer to leave and then we were told to sit in the chairs where my dad and his lawyer would sit. We did. The judge started to talk, my worst fears were confirmed, I was to be taken away from my mom. She started to grow, yet at the same time she stayed impossibly far away. As if it was some cruel joke were someone who was too far away to know me or know my life was changing it, and then I realized it was. I wanted to tell her to stop talking, that I had gotten it by then, and to stop repeating it. To stop twisting the blade. I did not. I then waited for two things: for her to stop talking so that I could escape this nightmare, and/or to pass out. I was so close, my head spinning, and then she stopped. “With all due respect your honor…” the words my sister had planed to say in the case that the judge ordered her to go back to my dad’s. Soon after that, it just became a full-blown argument. We were told to “get a hold of” ourselves by the judge. I tried to, and then realized that I could barely breath I was crying so hard. The argument continued a little longer, and then my sister stormed out. I followed, grateful for the chance to get out of the courtroom. My sister stormed past my mom who looked at me with an expression that said, where is she going, what’s happening, my heart has been hurt tremendously, and I love you. I told her that I loved her but I needed to stick with [Sister], I knew that I had to stick with her; it was that or go with my dad. I grabbed my bag and ran out part way. My mom hurried with me, worried about [Sister]. [Minor’s Counsel] snapped at my mom telling her that she was not aloud to talk to me. My mom and I simultaneously told her that we could say bye. [Minor’s Counsel] then called me [Sister’s name], while lecturing me. I blew up at her. I could not believe that she could not know that I was [Her Name], not [her Sister’s name]. I do not regret it. We went outside, and I did not see [Sister]. I guessed that she would probably be by the car, so I ran over to it and sure enough, she was there. I rushed over to her. All she wanted was to go home. [Minor’s counsel] came over and started to talk to us. My mom arrived. She told my mom to leave so that she could talk to her clients privately. I told her that I was no longer her client and I ducked under her arm to stand by my mom. She asked my mom to leave, and I told her that I wanted my mom to stay. Eventually, my mom went to get into her car. As soon as the doors were unlocked, my sister and I jumped in faster than I would have thought as possible. We locked the doors. [Minor's Counsel] came back and I told her that I would not go with [Stepmother]. My sister was screeching in the backseat, “DRIVE” “GET ME AWAY FROM HERE” “GO.” My mom drove off unable to think with her yelling. Then she drove back after a block. I was sobbing and begging my sister to stop yelling, I cannot take yelling or high stress. [Minor’s counsel] was walking towards our car with the bailiff [Deputy sheriff]. Once the bailiff saw who we were, he turned around and left. [Minor’s Counsel] then left and my dad left. Once they were all gone, my mom realized there was no point in sitting in a parking lot all day, and drove us home. Once at home, I pulled out my homework and tried to study. I was unable to concentrate. I only got one assignment done that night, journal entries for English. To say that I had something to write about would be an understatement to say the least. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally so I went to sleep.
The next day, I met up with my sister after my fencing workout and she called my mom to pick us up. My mom did not answer. We called and texted her. No answer. We were on our own to find somewhere to go. We finally found people who we could stay with and could who pick us up.
Why am I being punished for following the rules? I had been staying with my dad on his days. When he withheld my visits with my mom over the summer, I did not fight with him; I just went up to my room and silently wept, with no tears falling, while reading. I could not produce tears; I could not cry if I had wanted to. I went though this pain everyday, and every night I would stay up, some times all night, for the fear that someone would come and take me to Utah [camp to deprogram abused children]. Then my sister left after the police had been called so many times that they told my dad that they would arrest him if he called them again. She had been taken to Polinsky once. I was overjoyed that she had gotten out. I wanted to leave as well, but instead followed the rules. I stayed and listened. I listened as my dad called my mom toxic, sick, and much more. I listened as my dad told me that he was going to get my mom locked up. I listened as my dad told me that I was wasting my life, stupid, and a disappointment. I listened while he was on the phone with someone, having me sit down on the couch in front of him, talking about the options of where I could be sent. I listened as he told me that he would not pay for my sister’s college or my own. I listened as he told be that I would amount to nothing and would never see my mom again. I listened to all of this, the knife in my heart twisting as each word he said hit my eardrum. I listened and felt my heart breaking.
When [Stepmother] came to school after the order to meet with [Teacher], [Principal], my sister, and my self, she told us that she agreed with our decision. She [Stepmother] said that she would “have a long talk” to our dad when she got home. Accidently telling us that our dad was staying at his house during the first two weeks. I expressed my concern about my medicine for my ADD and my medicine for stress. She told me that she would try to get me it. We hugged her and left. Even [Stepmother] agreed with us.
My dad hired private investigator, a stalker with a license. He even looked like a creep. He followed me almost everywhere. He watched my friends. He was at school in the teacher’s lot. He was at my safe haven in the parking lot by my locker. He was taking my only safe and carefree place and making it part of court. I felt as if the only safe place was taken away. Then my email was taken. I was at my dad’s house on my email, when I see the attached in my inbox. I was confused; I sent it to my friends and asked them what if meant. They explained it to me. I was devastated. My email; where I talk to my friends, where my friends have confined in me. What could they want from it? Why do they need it? My dad already has spyware on my computer so he can see whatever I type. What do I tell the friends that I have not already told? How can I get it to go away? It was just my emails among my friends. My friends had confined in me. I had promised not to tell. They had trusted me. Now they did not want me to email them for fear that their emails would be subpoenaed as well. I had broken their trust, but I had not even done anything. Yet I still feel guilty. As if, it was my fault. Now the courts will be able to see that one of my friends is insecure about her body and another’s relationship problems. Secrets that I cannot protect, promises that I cannot keep. If I delete the messages, they will stay on the Gmail server, and that will just draw attention to them. I cannot help my friends and I cannot protect them. The ones that I would die for, I cannot help. The feeling of hopelessness overwhelms me, and yet I have spent every lunch in the library, looking for a way to protect my friends. Looking for a single right a child has. I have found none.
When I have been at my dad’s, in the last two weeks, he has told me that I was F***ed up, I would end up in the gutter, that I had no moral compass, and more. This is after a staff member from school called him and told him not to insult me. [Stepmother] has offered to drive me to school, but as it is a huge strain on her, she is looking for other options. My dad has made no effort to improve our relationship. I have been trying, but it is an uphill battle when my dad does not put forth any effort. The biggest strain on our relationship is when I am taken from my mom.
I was always promised that if I was good, I could see my mom. I was good, and my mom was taken away from me. At that point, I realize that the court did not care at all, about whether I was good or not. They would do what ever they wanted. Then I realized that I had to follow my morals and beliefs. And one of them is that it is a citizens responsibility to stand up against an unjust law. It was my responsibility to engage in civil disobedience. As Gandhi said, “Civil disobedience is the assertion of a right which law should give but which it denies,” and “Civil disobedience becomes a sacred duty when the State becomes lawless corrupt.”
I swear under the penalty of perjury that all of the above is true.
[Teenage Prisoner Turned Rebel]